Smart Products and my Conspiracy Theory


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The Smart gadget users or netizens can be broadly classified into four categories.

      1.Those who use it for work and earn more than enough for a living.

  1. Those who live online forever, “Netflix” or “Prime” and watch their sports, cooking shows, travel shows, porn or gaming videos
  2. Random users who check in to the internet once in a while to connect to the virtual world.

We netizens have become like larvae spinning that comforting silken thread around while we become like those pupae. All fat, ugly and immobile. I believe now virtual eating also adds fat to the girth while virtual sport does nothing.

It’s a conspiracy, I’m warning you’ll.

I’m becoming like the town crier here, more out of the pain my poor ribs face when each tightening outfit is squeezing me. And when my jeans get tighter while the backside becomes ampler, I think it’s the wallet and credit cards screaming in agony when we’re incessantly shopping for newer, looser more baggy clothes.

That too, we do online.

I told you it’s a conspiracy. It’s a conspiracy to support and grow all the sportswear and fitness gadgets companies.

You and I won’t venture out for a stroll in last Holi’s soiled T-shirts, now will we? Nope, we need the logos and the “just do it” slogans on our shirts and shoes.

I’m a baker and a food stylist. Baking and styling pretty food, so that it looks good enough to eat off your screen. So, while I do control myself, a million times, I may have had a few bites. And even though I love my “just do it” logo work out wear and sweat it out in the gym regularly my weight just doesn’t seem to be coming under control. 

So, despite the fact that I have zipped my lips, some gaps appear from time to time. And ruin my quest for fitness. 

And then, in this quest for fitness and freedom from the onset of disease, exactly what I have dissed and complained about, is now coming handy.

Smart appliances that have caused the smart revolution!

That  #SmartHomeRevolution has now trickled into my house. Well, most of it has, then the rest is knocking on my door.

After all the Yo-Yo dieting and wasting money on gym memberships, I decided to try a little fitness for free. So, I’ll be walking and running in free space, breathing un- air conditioned (if that is a thing) air and eating home cooked food with a few differences. But first, I’ve been stalking Flipkart deals. 

Any deals that give me great discounts are great. I’ll figure out how to use the gadget later.

So, to track my outdoor exercise route, heartbeat, exercise rigour and calories burnt, I, of course needed a Fit Band. And when the deal gave me a 50% off on a dependable brand, I had to get it. It took me a few tries to figure it out, but I am now able to track the calories I burn and also the time I take to complete a certain route. Totally smart wearable gadget that.

The smart phone that’s constantly in my hand or in the pocket of my denims, is of Course now connected to a blue tooth head phone that allows me to play my favourite workout playlist.

To keep my hands free while I’m running, I’ve also bought an arm band. My phone is now strapped to my forearm. And my hands are free.

And as soon as I come back, the smart gadgets at home take over.

The air purifiers ensure that I receive the right amount of oxygen and the PPM is reduced. The microwave is already pre-programmed and smart. I just need to press a select combination of buttons to get my green tea heated to the perfect temperature.

Some snacks in the air fryer are also a smart, lower calorie idea. Whoever invented that is sheer genius, needs to be given a smart certificate.

Of course, If I’m lounging on the couch ,I’ll need security cameras before I can press the button to  open the door. Via remote and Smart Camera.

What I’m now waiting for is Google Home, that I can order about to play music and maybe control the lights and fans. So I’ll make my home a Smart home.

Imagine how crazy the scene will be, Hubby dear likes the fan on at minimum speed. And I prefer it a little more alive. He likes it brightly lit and I love dim lighting. Smart lighting.So, if both of us constantly ordering Google home, she’ll either revolt or just shut down.

And the Robot cleaning gadget? Imagine how sweet dog Romeo will snap at it for coming close to his food and water bowls or just for disturbing his position. How clean freak hubby dear will be following that robot like I’ve never followed my daily house help, directing it to clean high and low.

Smart appliances have certainly made our lives better. That’s the conspiracy I am talking about. They got us lazy and fat and unwell and now they are conspiring to get us fit. With images of runners running into the distant wild blue yonder and of men pumping iron and doing Pilates…how can we not jump on to the smart band wagon?

And now were all stalking Flipkart for the deals and have alerts and buzzers so that we can keep track of new items in the list and price drops. We are also becoming Smart.

So, when the bosses girlfriend calls in the middle of my walk?  I’ll be able to coordinate with the boss man and give an apt response. And if I see this super cute Shi Tzu snarling at an Indie dog? Well, I’ll need to post the right hashtag about how foreign breeds are ruining the habitats of Indie dogs. #adorablenomore

So now, every time Flipkart flashes a banner ad of a new smart phone, check. It will be displaying the time, temperature and will have your favourite playlist.
And the next thing it will do is place an alarm to ensure that smart phone reminds you to get up and exercise.

Check back a few weeks later to see how I’m coping with my keto diet and my fit band displaying my heart beat levels. Be like Me,  #GetFitWithFlipkart .

 

Disclaimer: This is a entry for the  #GetFitWithFlipkart and #SmartHomeRevolution hosted by Flipkart.

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